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Welcome to the CSAHM “Question of the Week.” Please feel free to share your answers, ideas, or thoughts to the “Question of the Week” in the comments section below.
This week’s question:
When should kids start dating?
I don’t have children that are old enough to date. In fact, my kids aren’t even old enough to understand what dating is… But February is the month where most everyone goes gaga over love so that got me thinking about teens and dating and when is a good time for that to start happening. I remember my rules as a teen: I had to be 16, and my dad had to meet with the boy prior to the date and approve of him. Even then, was I old enough? I don’t know. Dating was weird, hard, and confusing… What do you moms of teens think about this subject?
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My kids aren’t old enough to really understand dating either (my oldest is 8). Growing up, we didn’t have rules about dating. None of us ever dated! I remember really wishing for a boyfriend in high school and feeling “old enough” to date, but now, looking back, I think that is quite young to be dating. Maybe for church group activities or something until they are in college. (won’t my kids love me?)
I don’t believe in dating. When I was about 15 or 16 it occured to me that dating would only lead to disappointment. There are only two “ends” of dating-break up or marriage. If a person is too young for either of those, they are too young for dating. This is what occurred to me when I was a teenager and wanted a boy to like me more than anything. I never dated in highschool. I never had a boyfriend until I was an adult and going through a time of backsliding (it was a mistake for me to date him). I only “dated” two guys-my backslidden mistake and when my husband and I courted. Even though I have baggage to deal with from my short time backsliding and a sinful relationship with my first boyfriend, I am so grateful that I don’t have baggage from many men going all the way back to Junior High or High School. Letting children date before they are ready it is like putting gasoline on a fire-it will just blow up in your face. There is an epidemic of teen pregnancies and teens with STDs in even the Christian world. Not allowing your child to be in situations where they are alone with members of the opposite effect will greatly reduce that risk. I don’t think it’s good so say to the child, “you are not allowed to date” and leave it as that. A parent should talk about marriage and courtship and the responsibilties a person has in choosing a life partner. Just forbidding dating may only cause rebellion. Offering a viable alternative like courtship and being friends in a group setting, and emphasizing that a person’s worth isn’t in whether they are in a relationship or not will hopefully help the child understand and not feel “left out”. My parents never really had rules or talked about dating, and, for quite a while, wanted a boyfriend more than anything. I am now glad that God protected me from the whole High School dating scene. I wasn not ready.
So, all of that ramble to say. I’m not a fan of dating, but I am a fan of courtship and getting to know a person in the context of preparing for marriage.