Lord Teach Me to Be a Mother

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When I was growing up I had this image of what a mother should be and I was going to be that mom. When I got pregnant with my oldest daughter I changed a lot about my life at the time (I was a teen mom) and I was determined to be the mother I had always dreamed of.

I gave my daughter everything. Most of my days were spent dreaming about how I could give her more, and more. I wanted for her to have everything I didn’t have and more. My ideas of a mother were mostly on being able to give her material possessions, spending lots of time with her, and making sure the house was shiny and spotless.

I can’t even tell you how many hours I worried about her education when she was only 2 years old. Would I homeschool, send her to private school? I knew I did not want to send her to public school. I looked at every preschool there was, and I dreamed of a Montessori education for her but I was unable to afford the tuition.

When my Lil Man as born I was bound and determined to not make the same mistakes I had made with my oldest daughter. In my eyes it was my second chance to be that mother I had always dreamed of being. Now that I had my daughter and my son I just knew my days were going to be filled with baking cookies, doing homework, taking care of a sweet little baby, and soccer practices. In my eyes I had accomplished a lot, but everyday I was burdened with all the “mistakes” I had made. In other words I had yet to live up to my expectations of what a mother looked like.

Then I found out I was pregnant with my third. Life changed for me really fast. It was in that moment that everything I had dreamed about being a mother had died. Now my oldest would have to share a room with her new baby sister. My son was only 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I had let him down. My heart was a mess because I didn’t know how to fit this new life into the expectations I had placed on myself as a mother. How could I be the perfect mom? I was so afraid that I would fail, especially now that I was going to me a mom to three.

Over the years what a mother looks like has certainly changed, thanks to my relationship with God, and my youngest daughter, my miracle. I had to let go of a lot of my own selfish desires. It was even harder to let go of my expectations.

Motherhood looks differently for me now. My desires for my three beautiful children reflect my heart for them to grow up living out a life that reflects their heart for Jesus. I have to say that guiding them to that life is not easy.

The expectations I have of myself are different, and yet they seem to have a far bigger and eternal value, than all the latest Disney store gadgets I use to buy for my oldest daughter. It weighs heavily on my heart.

I need for the Lord to teach me how to be a mother, because in my heart being a good mother is based on my performance. Failure is always lurking around the corner, and God knows how much I hate failure, in fact I fear it.

I need for God to teach me how to be a gracious mother, not only to my children, but mostly to myself.

Motherhood now is less about controlling every outcome of their life in order to make sure they have a perfect life. Now it is more about being a forever LOVING presence in their life that is there for them when they face the trials that WILL come. But my heart always wants to go back to the controlling mother, I want to protect them, and I want to be their savior…but Jesus can only be their savior.

I can teach them about Jesus, and I can LIVE my life delighting in Him. Then all I can do is PRAY that one day they will also grow up loving Jesus and delighting in Him.

Free will is not an easy thing to grasp when you love someone as much as a mother loves her child. I LOVE them so much! But even in the midst of their choices, which aren’t always good because they came from my human, fleshly womb, I have hope.

I have hope because somehow in the midst of this world God found ME, and He now has my heart, and I know He can find their heart too.

I just pray for Jesus to teach me everyday how to be a mother to my three precious gifts…

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Heather

Author
Heather is a Christian Stay at home homeschooling mom of three, married to a firefighter, and a writer. She is founder of www.CSAHM.com among other websites for Christian mothers, and women. Heather is passionate about sharing God's word in a practical and loving way.

Comments

  1. Betty-Jo says:

    I loved this post. I still revert back to the expectations that I had about motherhood but I quickly look to the Lord and know that it is just me being my own worst critic :) Thank you for this post and thank you for sharing your heart. I pray every day that my children will give their heart to Jesus one day. Blessings!

  2. I recently took intrest to this site I am a new mother to my daughter whose only 3 months I am a teen mom *with all the worries in the world about her safety her health her future I’ve come to realize it is a lot ….too much I find myself crying sometimes while she’s sleepi

  3. I am a christian but havnt been a regular church goer and don’t know much of the bible my family stopped going as we got older becoming a mother to my beauty has really steered me into searching for the word and gods help anytime I feel scared for her I pray and instantly I’m a better mom my priorities of what she needs have changed also while I was pregnant I couldn’t get enough of the tiny clothes books abc singing toys but sadly never thought much of how I would teach her god especially since I am learning to. it is a new lifestyle that I am much gratefull for to helping raise her

  4. Caroline says:

    Thank you for the reminder that I am NOT my children’s savior. I struggle with providing loving, consistent discipline because of the strong willed nature of both my young beauties.
    “I can teach them about Jesus, and I can LIVE my life delighting in Him. Then all I can do is PRAY that one day they will also grow up loving Jesus and delighting in Him. ”
    AMEN to this…… I am going to now focus on raising not a “good child” but one that loves and serves the Lord!
    THANK YOU sister in Christ!

  5. Your experience is the same I’m going through now with my 4 year old daughter. All that you’ve been doing, I too have been doing… But controlling is something I need to work on. Living with my in-laws and working on a job that im not satisfied has led me to a state of mental stress which I’ve started showing to my daughter. But now, your message seems to be something that God is showing me. Thanks Heather !

  6. I nearly cried after reading this. I feel the same way. I was also a teen mother. I grew up around a lot of drugs and alcohol within my family and always dreamed of “my little” family because I was always in the way, never received attention (or the kind you want because I would act out to get it), or felt that I was really “loved”. After having my daughter I have and still do (I need to stop) try and give her everything, make sure she has the best of the best, and all the toys she could dream of. What I have come to realize is that she is now expecting that and when she doesn’t get her way then it is a huge fit. I want the Lord our Saviour to steer me in the direction that I need to be in and teach me how to be that “good mother” I always wanted to be, but at the same time give my two year old the discipline so she doesn’t grow up to be a spiteful person when she doesn’t always get what she wants! Thanks!

  7. Thank you for this wonderful word of encouragement. Parenting is one of those things that I truly feel God has designed to be hard. Not to punish us but so that we start everyday on our knees looking up. God keeps drawing me to this truth: He cares about our hearts. God said that David was “a man after God’s own heart” and look at all the mistakes he made! But David was humble, repentant and consumed with a faith in God. That is my goal for my children. The best thing I can do is cultivate the road to their hearts so God can do His work on the inside – where it counts.
    Thank you again. God bless you and your ministry to others,
    ~Laura

  8. Victoria Calvin says:

    As mothers, we put way too much pressure on ourselves. We have very high expectations of our role(s) and when life violates these expectations, we feel guilty and say we are bad moms. Here’s what I know…

    God blessed us with the amazing opportunity to be moms, more specifically, to be stay-at-home or work-at-home moms. There are going to be days when the house isn’t clean, the kids are messy, and obligations are neglected. We are going to feel as if we haven’t provided enough for our families, when in fact, we have…more than what we know. It is natural for parents to constantly question whether or not we are dong a good job. We all want the best for our kiddos, yet, we never stop to acknowledge all of the wonderful things we have done that affect our family systems. I think we need to take a strengths perspective with regard to our parenting. (Sorry, a little bit of academic lingo, I teach family studies at a local college).

    God knows our hearts. God knows our intentions. Its through our mistakes that we learn. We learn through assessing our parenting skills and making changes. We eventually learn that it’s ok to have high expectations, but we need to be realistic…and that’s ok.

    After giving birth to our children, we weren’t handed a blueprint for being good mothers! God gives us little lessons – do you see them? Do you hear them? They are there – in Word, from those who have come before us, and…well…our children. Let’s open our hearts and our minds. God is always working through us…stay blessed!

  9. BEAUTIFUL,I FELT THE SAME WAY AN STILL DO AT TIMES BUT I AM LEARNING, I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS.

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