Focus on Christian Marriage: Communication

Communication is the foundation of every good relationship, especially marriage. Too many times we are raised in homes where good communication skills just weren’t made available, due to the fact that parents just didn’t know how to communicate appropriately themselves.

I know for me personally communicating with my husband effectively has been a struggle. I have to make a commitment everyday to try and communicate appropriately with my husband.

Often good communication skills is a difficult skill to learn but all it takes is the commitment to making your marriage better by resolving conflict in a respectful way. How we communicate with our husbands is crucial. Our tone of voice and the words we say can really set the mood for how the conflict gets resolved.

Men often say that having a wife that respects them is one of the things they need in order to be the best husband they can be. If we address conflict in a negative way we will almost certainly end up disrespecting our husbands in the process.

Steps to Effective Communication:

Pray – Sometimes we just need to step back from the situation and ask God to lead us in how we should approach a certain situation that is bothering us.

Approach Respectfully – Even though you may be angry with your husband, still try and make an effort to approach your husband with love and respect. If you read 1 Cor. 13:4-7 we need to be patient with our husbands – patience and respect equals love.

Follow the steps to conflict resolution:

• Let each party express how they feel about the situation. My counselor even recommended using a timer for both individuals. Work to express your feelings without using “YOU” messages. For example instead of saying “I hate it when you treat me that way.” say “When you say this I feel this way.” Own your feelings.
• Next each person needs to express what they will do to help resolve the issue. This isn’t time to try and change the other person. One step towards progress is acceptable and both parties should strive to work towards keeping their promise on what they plan to do to help resolve the conflict.
• Come up with a plan of action. Think of actions, or words you can say to help fulfill your promise on what you are going to do to resolve the conflict. The resolution should be win – win for each person.

We can’t expect to go through our marriage without having to face conflict. God made us different, both with faults and strengths, however made to help each other grow spiritually. Learning effective communication skills will certainly help your marriage grow.

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