I am probably the last person on the face of this earth that has the patience to homeschool. Not to mention I can be pretty selfish at times, especially when it comes to my time. So when God called me to Homeschool for some reason it sounded like a great idea, but looking back now I often wonder “Why would God call ME to homeschool?”
The only thing I love about homeschooling is to be able to spend time with my children every single day. When my oldest daughter was in public school I felt like I hardly ever saw her, and that was one reason we decided to homeschool.
But everything else about homeschooling is a sacrifice for me.
Time is my beloved idol. I LOVE my time. Often you can find me praying for more time instead of money. Time in my eyes the gateway to perfection. If I had more time then I would be able to accomplish everything I need to in one day AND still have time to sleep. Life could be perfect if I just had more time.
But with homeschooling time is often spent preparing, teaching, and grading. Homeschooling takes a sacrifice of time that is often difficult for me to give up. Whenever I think of how I can add another minute to my day my thoughts often go to giving up homeschooling, that’s when I know my heart has turned toward my idol instead of the call God has placed on my life.
I’m not a talker. It may be a surprise to you to find out that I am not much of a talker. I love to write, it’s how I process my thoughts. Typically I’m a quiet person that simply has a lot on her mind. But homeschooling requires communication with words coming out of your mouth!
Speaking and teaching doesn’t come easily for me. It requires me to slow down and think about what I am saying before I say it, but I like to hurry in life because, well you guessed it I’m always trying to win the race against the clock and gain more TIME. Speaking and teaching is a sacrifice for me when it comes to homeschooling because it takes me out of the comfort zone of my little world that consists of my thoughts and my writing. It forces me to enter into my children’s world of talking, and a lot of it!
I’m a perfectionist. As if you didn’t already guess this, but yes I’m a perfectionist. With homeschooling I’m often burdened by the things I have planned to do and the things I have actually gotten done. Not to mention the complete overwhelm I feel with everything I have to teach my children. It’s a lot, and if I mess up or I’m unable to stick to a schedule I feel like a failure. Being the perfectionist I am, this is devastating.
Homeschooling requires flexibility and a lot of grace! Often I struggle with the thoughts of whether or not I’m doing enough for my children’s education, but then I’m reminded of God’s grace, and that I will reap a harvest. It’s not about getting things perfect it’s about answering the call and doing your best and letting God’s grace cover the rest.
Homeschooling certainly brings me to a point where I need to address the flaws that are within my heart and my spirit. It forces me to give up my idols and rely on God even more. I think that’s why God has called me to homeschool, not just for my children, but also for me, so that my heart can be cleansed of all that lives inside that does not glorify Him…it’s amazing what God can do if we just submit to Him, through that submission we are finally made holy.
About CSAHM
Wow, you sound a lot like me on this issue. I sometimes feel like a walking contradiction because I cherish my right to home school, but I can’t say I love actually doing it! I love the time with my kids and the fact that I, not the state, am making the decisions. But getting right down to the teaching part, I have to really go “outside myself”. But you know, it’s good for me to have to stretch a little.(My thoughts on stretching are “it isn’t always easy but it’s always good!) I remind myself that just because something isn’t all smiles and roses doesn’t mean it’s not totally worth it!
absolutely beautiful. This is so true, how we are called to do something, but the passion gets muffled at times by dwelling on our own needs and wants. Even though its completely in line with the purpose and plan for your family, its a struggle to surrender to Gods perfect will instead of our own. And thankfully, our father blesses us and fulfills us beyond what we could comprehend when we walk in obedience. Great message today, thank you.
Time is an idol for me, especially alone time. And I don’t like talking much either. I guess that’s why I’m so tired at the end of the homeschool day:) I agree, we have to just walk in faith and let his faith do the rest. Thanks for sharing your heart!