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	<title>Christian Stay at Home Moms&#187; Christian Marriage</title>
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	<link>http://csahm.com</link>
	<description>Encouragement for Moms</description>
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		<title>Strong Marriages</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/strong-marriages/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/strong-marriages/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 01 May 2012 19:18:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[memories]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=6832</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Do you remember your marriage before having children? Is it just me, or is it hard to balance raising children and keeping a marriage strong? When my children were little, I found it especially hard to focus on my marriage. All my energy was focused on taking care of children 24/7. Children are needy and [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/christianmarriage.jpg"><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/christianmarriage.jpg" alt="" title="christianmarriage" width="171" height="114" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-6842" /></a></p>
<p>Do you remember your marriage before having children? Is it just me, or is it hard to balance raising children and keeping a marriage strong?</p>
<p>When my children were little, I found it especially hard to focus on my marriage. All my energy was focused on taking care of children 24/7. Children are needy and often drain us physically and emotionally. After attending to their needs all day, everyday, there just doesn&#8217;t seem to be anything left to put into our marriage.</p>
<p>Sometimes, our lives get so centered around our children, even to the neglect of our marriage. Perhaps you&#8217;ve wondered, &#8220;Who is this person I&#8217;m married to?&#8221; Maybe you can hardly remember what life was like before children. Life gets busy&#8211;we get caught up in the whirlwind of childcare, doctor&#8217;s visits, chaos, chores, and responsibilities. With all the focus on our children, our spouses can seem like strangers. Sadly, in many marriages, when the children have grown and leave home, couples realize they don&#8217;t know each other anymore. And for some, this ends up causing an end to their marriage.</p>
<p>How can we regain our marriage? How can we keep our spouse from becoming that person we don&#8217;t know anymore?</p>
<p>Last year, my husband and I took a much-needed trip away. Far away. We walked the streets of Paris and figured out who we were again. We remembered that we once had an identity as a couple before having children. Exploring a new city together helped to reestablish that bond and reminded us of the joy we used to have in traveling and exploring new places.</p>
<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/eiffel2-225x300.jpg" alt="" title="eiffel2" width="225" height="300" class="aligncenter size-medium wp-image-6841" /></p>
<p>I created a memory jar of that trip. I look at it when I need to remember our time together as a couple. Like a memorial stone the Israelites set up to remember God&#8217;s faithfulness, my memory jar reminds me that we are first and foremost a couple. When I begin to forget who we are as a couple or even feel like we&#8217;ve become strangers, I can look at that memory jar and remember that there is a foundation beneath all the craziness in our life.</p>
<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/memory-jar-225x300.jpg" alt="" title="memory-jar" width="225" height="300" class="aligncenter size-medium wp-image-6839" /></p>
<p>Do you have memories you need to revisit to remember your identity as a couple? Perhaps you need to make new memories. Marriage is a lifelong journey of intentional moments. Strong marriages are cultivated by time spent together. When life gets busy, because it always does, we need to return to those moments and remember the times spent together.</p>
<p>Today, peruse your memory banks for those sweet times with your spouse. Remember your identity as a couple. And set a date to get away and reestablish that bond.</p>
<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Marriage and Finances</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/marriage-and-finances/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/marriage-and-finances/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 03 Apr 2012 18:30:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[budgets]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[finances]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spending]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=6702</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s that time of year again, tax time. For those who may be getting a refund, how will you spend it? Do you and your spouse plan together how to spend your money? Though there are exceptions, in many marriages, there seems to be one spouse who is the spender, and one who is the [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/1317230_dollar_sign.jpg" alt="" title="1317230_dollar_sign" width="300" height="261" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-6708" /></p>
<p>It&#8217;s that time of year again, tax time. For those who may be getting a refund, how will you spend it? Do you and your spouse plan together how to spend your money? Though there are exceptions, in many marriages, there seems to be one spouse who is the spender, and one who is the saver.</p>
<h3>Which one are you?</h3>
<p>It&#8217;s no secret that finances are a major reason why marriages fail. Why is that? I think it stems from a core problem&#8211;failure to communicate about finances.</p>
<p>The spouse who is responsible for the finances can often become bitter toward the one who isn&#8217;t. It may seem that the spouse who spends is doing so without consideration of how much money there is. The one who spends may not realize how little there is to spend. It can become a vicious cycle where the one who pays the bills is stressed and concerned that there isn&#8217;t enough and the spender may continue to spend, oblivious to the problem.</p>
<p>Regardless of which kind of spender you are, it&#8217;s important that you and your spouse have an honest discussion about money. You need to have a plan. Rarely do we get in our cars and drive, having no plan on where we are headed. If we are in a strange place, we use a map to guide us. When it comes to money, you need to have a plan that you both agree upon, or you&#8217;ll get lost.</p>
<h3>A few things to consider when having a discussion about money:</h3>
<p>1. Take a look at what you make each month and what your monthly expenses are.</p>
<p>2. Are there any big purchases planned in the future? Have you been hoping to move into a bigger house, get a new car, send your child to preschool, go on a vacation, etc.? Or perhaps you want to pay down debt? Make a plan together on how you will save for that.</p>
<p>3. For what&#8217;s leftover, have an honest discussion on what to do with it. Make a plan and stick to it.</p>
<p>4. There is usually one spouse who is better with paying the bills. Whoever that is needs to be honest about what the finances look like. Meet together once a month to talk about how your finances look.</p>
<p>5. Read a book together on financial planning or attend a financial planning seminar. A couple of good ones are: Dave Ramsey&#8217;s Financial Peace and Crown Financial Ministries.</p>
<p>Don&#8217;t let financial matters create a wedge in your marriage. Be open and honest about spending and make a plan together. Stick to it and together you&#8217;ll find financial peace.</p>
<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>On Marriage and Quality Time</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/on-marriage-and-quality-time/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/on-marriage-and-quality-time/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 06 Mar 2012 17:04:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[date night]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[quality time]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=6618</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[We were all seated in my living room, the four of us. Every week we meet and share our lives with each other. The kids run around mad while we pray, discuss the book we&#8217;re reading, and hold one another accountable in the faith. One of the girls casually mentioned her desire to have meaningful [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/1378002_all_in_time.jpg" alt="" title="1378002_all_in_time" width="300" height="240" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-6632" /></p>
<p>We were all seated in my living room, the four of us. Every week we meet and share our lives with each other. The kids run around mad while we pray, discuss the book we&#8217;re reading, and hold one another accountable in the faith.</p>
<p>One of the girls casually mentioned her desire to have meaningful conversation with her spouse. She also shared how hard it is to actually have opportunity for quality conversation. In mere minutes, all of us had shared the same the struggle.</p>
<p>When you are a parent, it&#8217;s rare to have undisturbed quality time with your husband. For my husband and I, we try to go out on a date at least once a month. One thing I&#8217;ve noticed though, is how hard it is to not spend our date talking about the kids or other life responsibilities. Talk seems to frequently center around the details of life. &#8220;Can you take him to the doctor for me?&#8221; &#8220;All the light bulbs are out in the kitchen, can you take care of that this week?&#8221; &#8220;Did you remember to pay the power bill?&#8221; &#8220;Have you called your mom to make sure we can come over for the holiday?&#8221; Etc., etc. Before we know it, our date is over and we didn&#8217;t <span style="text-decoration: underline">really</span> talk.</p>
<p>The only way to have meaningful conversation with our spouses is to be intentional. Life will always get in the way. There will always be crisis to discuss, decisions to be made, and important things to schedule. As much as we would all like for quality conversation to happen organically, sometimes it is helpful to purposefully initiate meaningful, deep, quality conversation with our spouses.</p>
<p>The next time you do have time together without your children, consider a few of these &#8220;conversation starters.&#8221; Perhaps they will open doors for deeper connection and ultimately a stronger relationship.</p>
<p><strong>1. Choose a book that you will both read.</strong> Each time you are on a date or without your children, talk about the book. Discuss what you are learning from it and how it has impacted you.</p>
<p><strong>2. Plan a trip together. </strong>Even if it may never happen, it is still fun to share a dream isn&#8217;t it?</p>
<p><strong>3. Talk about how you&#8217;ve seen God at work in your life recently.</strong> How have you seen evidences of his grace? How has your prayer life been? What have you been reading in your personal devotional time? How has the Spirit been convicting your heart?</p>
<p><strong>4. Share personal goals,</strong> things you&#8217;d like to learn, places you&#8217;d like to go, and aspirations you have.</p>
<p><strong>5. Discuss your relationship, </strong>how you&#8217;d like to see it improve and the steps you can take to do that.</p>
<p><strong>6. Discuss and research a project</strong> or new hobby you&#8217;d like to do together.</p>
<p>Take the first step. Don&#8217;t wait for your spouse to open the door to deeper conversation. Be the one to open it first. If it seems like unfamiliar territory, just open the door a little at first. Each time you have a date, open the door wider for deeper levels of conversation. For some, sharing deeper things about themselves may feel awkward, for others it&#8217;s second nature.</p>
<p>As parents, we get too little time alone with our spouses. Date nights are expensive. The kids are always around, making it hard to talk about anything of significance. Use what little time you do have for the health and benefit of your marriage. After all, the kids will grow up before you know it and it&#8217;ll be just the two of you again. And when that time comes, you will want your marriage to be about something more than the fact that you are parents together.</p>
<h3>What about you? Do you have any suggestions for having quality conversations with a spouse?</h3>
<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Marriage at His Side</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/marriage-at-his-side/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/marriage-at-his-side/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 Feb 2012 02:48:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[connecting with your husband]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=6496</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Have you ever participated in an activity with your husband, perhaps fishing, and returned thinking it was a waste of time? Did your husband remark that he had a great time? We all know men and women are different. Numerous books have been written on the subject. Jokes are made about women being from one [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/1067032_lovers.jpg" alt="" title="1067032_lovers" width="200" height="300" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-6546" /></p>
<p>Have you ever participated in an activity with your husband, perhaps fishing, and returned thinking it was a waste of time? Did your husband remark that he had a great time?</p>
<p>We all know men and women are different. Numerous books have been written on the subject. Jokes are made about women being from one planet and men from a different one. I even own a board game where the men and women compete against one another to see how much they know about the opposite gender.</p>
<p>One remarkable difference between the genders is that men seem to enjoy just being in their wife&#8217;s presence. You can join your husband on the couch while he watches a game on tv, barely talk about anything of consequence, and he is quite content just having you there. You may spend the entire time thinking of all the other things you could be doing with your time: laundry, dishes, phone calls, etc.</p>
<p>Men enjoy the friendship of their wife. We joke about how men can spend hours with their male friends and leave having learned nothing new about them yet it only takes mere minutes for women to learn everything that&#8217;s going on in their friend&#8217;s lives. This is just one of those things that makes us different from each other. While you may feel deeply cherished when he sits and listens to you share your deepest feelings, he feels deeply loved when you join him in watching sports on tv.</p>
<p>Since this is the month of love, why not surprise your husband by joining him in whatever he enjoys doing most? Just be at his side, no talking required.</p>
<h3>Here are a few ideas:</h3>
<p>1. Watch a movie or one of his favorite shows together (yes this includes sports networks, military channels, science shows, etc.)</p>
<p>2. Go fishing or hunting together</p>
<p>3. Watch him work in the garage doing whatever his current project is</p>
<p>4. Sit in the office and read a book while he works at the desk</p>
<p>5. Attend a sporting even together</p>
<p>6. Do house repair projects together</p>
<p>7. Sit next to him while he reads a book or the newspaper</p>
<p>8. Go for a walk or a hike</p>
<p>9. Watch him work on the car</p>
<p>10. Attend an event of his choice</p>
<p>Remember, what means the most to him will be your presence, not the deep discussions you might want to have. Hold on to those for another time. This is an opportunity to show your love by just being with him. It&#8217;ll mean more to him than you realize.</p>
<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>To Nag or Not to Nag?</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/to-nag-or-not-to-nag/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/to-nag-or-not-to-nag/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 03 Jan 2012 12:46:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[christian prayer]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[prayer]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[prayers life]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=6240</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When you first got married, were there qualities about your husband you assumed or hoped would go away? What happened when they didn&#8217;t? If you are anything like many wives, you may have begun &#8220;nagging&#8221; him about the problem. Though we tend to call it &#8220;reminding&#8221; rather than nagging. Am I right? The dictionary defines [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/prayer-300x200.jpg" alt="" title="prayer" width="300" height="200" class="aligncenter size-medium wp-image-6369" /></p>
<p>When you first got married, were there qualities about your husband you assumed or hoped would go away? What happened when they didn&#8217;t? If you are anything like many wives, you may have begun &#8220;nagging&#8221; him about the problem. Though we tend to call it &#8220;reminding&#8221; rather than nagging. Am I right?</p>
<p>The dictionary defines nagging as &#8220;to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner.&#8221; Like a throbbing toothache, when we nag at our husbands, we become a wearisome irritation. I doubt any wife would want to be an irritation to their husbands. We just want them to change their faults and bad habits. Why do you suppose we think that nagging or reminding our husbands about their faults will motivate them to change? Do we think that they too easily forget?</p>
<p>The problem with nagging is that it drives our husband&#8217;s away from us rather than toward us. It makes them defensive. It creates a barrier, a wedge keeping our marriages from being the way God intended. How can a couple be truly united as one with a wedge caught in the middle?</p>
<h3>We need to remember that the source to all change is God alone. </h3>
<p>No amount of nagging and reminding is going to change a person. Some may comply for a time, to get the nagging to stop but then they will begin the habit again soon enough. The greatest power for change that we have as wives is <a href="https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=50235&#038;c=ib&#038;aff=5405">prayer</a>.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=50235&#038;c=ib&#038;aff=5405">Prayer</a> ought to be our first and primary method of addressing a problem we have with our husbands. We need to pray not only that God would work in our husband&#8217;s hearts but that He would work in ours as well. Perhaps God has chosen to not change our husbands irritating habits. What then? We need to pray that God will help us to love them despite the behavior. Perhaps He can even change our hearts to not even notice it anymore. Because after all, don&#8217;t we all have our own habits that irritate others? Hasn&#8217;t Jesus forgiven us for even greater sin?</p>
<p>I&#8217;m a recovering nagger. I say recovering because it seems to come as a default mode if I&#8217;m not careful. When I&#8217;m not continually in communion with God through <a href="https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=50235&#038;c=ib&#038;aff=5405">prayer</a> and His word, nagging will begin to creep up into my heart. When I don&#8217;t preach the gospel to myself everyday, I forget about the grace which saved me. Then I don&#8217;t extend grace to my husband. A few years ago, I was really concerned about my husband&#8217;s health. I was convinced I would be a young widow because of how he lived, ate and didn&#8217;t attend to his health. I took it upon myself to remind him that he needed to take better care of himself. I nagged.</p>
<p>The Holy Spirit convicted me and helped me to stop the constant reminding. Instead, I began praying. I prayed for months about it. Out of the blue one day, my husband told me he decided to join a gym.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?cl=50235&#038;c=ib&#038;aff=5405">Praying about our husband</a>&#8216;s problems isn&#8217;t a magic formula. God will only change what he wants changed, according to His will. The amazing thing about prayer is that it orients our own hearts to true north. When we acknowledge that God is sovereign and will work all things out for the good of both spouses, we can rest in the loving power of God. God can also change our own heart to love and accept our husband for who he is, defects and all. God&#8217;s love and care over our marriage can break that wedge and once again bring unity to a marriage damaged by nagging.</p>
<p>What about you? Has nagging ever been a problem in your marriage? How have you found prayer to change things&#8211;either your husband&#8217;s or your own heart?</p>
<p><em>Disclosure: Some affiliate links have been used within this post.</em></p>
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		<title>Grace in Marriage</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/grace-in-marriage/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/grace-in-marriage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 06 Dec 2011 12:34:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grace]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[transformed minds]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=6187</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Mail clutters my counters. There&#8217;s a laptop on the kitchen table where I need to set out dishes for dinner. Unfinished bottles of water remain where they were last used: the living room floor, the nightstand, kitchen counter and bathroom counter. These are just a few things that irritate me. Are there things your spouse [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/growthandevelopment.jpg" alt="" title="growthandevelopment" width="426" height="282" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-6208" /></p>
<p>Mail clutters my counters. There&#8217;s a laptop on the kitchen table where I need to set out dishes for dinner. Unfinished bottles of water remain where they were last used: the living room floor, the nightstand, kitchen counter and bathroom counter.</p>
<h3>These are just a few things that irritate me.</h3>
<p>Are there things your spouse does that irritate you? Little habits and idiosyncracies that you once thought would go away but now you know they never will? It&#8217;s irritations like this that can become fuel for a fire. Like the proverbial straw that broke the camel, the small annoyances we have with our spouses can become the very things that start an inferno.</p>
<p>When I see the evidences strewn around that my husband is home, I could stew. I could think thoughts like, &#8220;Who does he think I am, the maid?&#8221; or &#8220;Doesn&#8217;t he know how hard I work around the house?&#8221; If I don&#8217;t capture these thoughts and let them continue to churn in my mind, they will grow larger and more angry. These thoughts are guaranteed to be the spark that lights a fire.</p>
<p>It was the grace of God that brought me salvation and it&#8217;s grace that must be a crucial component of my marriage. When I am frustrated by the things my husband does, in grace I need to remember that I have been forgiven for much more. When I focus on the grace of God in my own heart, love for God will overflow (Mark 12:30). This love will transform my mind from thinking about my needs and what is best for me (Romans 12:20). I can then focus my mind on what is true, noble and right (Philippians 4:8).</p>
<p>A mind that is focused on the grace of the gospel can respond to the annoying behaviors of others in love. I can capture the angry thoughts before they take root and replace them with the truth. &#8220;He is tired from working and doesn&#8217;t realize that he&#8217;s left a mess for me to clean up.&#8221; &#8220;I am thankful for the mess for it reminds me that my husband is home with us.&#8221; &#8220;I have my own idiosyncracies that must annoy him.&#8221; &#8220;God has forgiven me for so much, I need to forgive others when they sin against me.&#8221;</p>
<p>When two people live together, there are bound to be differences in ways of living and doing things. We can&#8217;t allow the inevitable annoyances to create a wedge in marriage. Focusing on the truth of the grace of the gospel is what transforms our minds to help us respond in love to our spouses.</p>
<p>How can you extend grace to your spouse today?</p>
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		<title>The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Received</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/the-best-marriage-advice-i-ever-received/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/the-best-marriage-advice-i-ever-received/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:17:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage covenant]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage problems]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=6113</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Months before my wedding, I visited with longtime family friends of my husband to be. Just a shy, insecure college girl, I was quiet during most of our visit. Most couple&#8217;s preparing for marriage are given advice from well-meaning friends and family. That night, as I quietly engaged in conversation with the wife, I received [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/1262597_hands_in_love.jpg" alt="" title="1262597_hands_in_love" width="300" height="225" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-6120" /></p>
<p>Months before my wedding, I visited with longtime family friends of my husband to be. Just a shy, insecure college girl, I was quiet during most of our visit. Most couple&#8217;s preparing for marriage are given advice from well-meaning friends and family. That night, as I quietly engaged in conversation with the wife, I received marriage advice that I never forgot.</p>
<p>She shared with me that while she always loved her husband, there were times when she didn&#8217;t like him very much. She explained that over the years there had come occasions when she became annoyed with him or didn&#8217;t enjoy his company. She cautioned me to remember that the intense romantic love one feels when newly married will not always be there. It is the commitment and God&#8217;s active role in marriage that sustains it.</p>
<p>At the time, I couldn&#8217;t imagine not liking my future husband. I filed the information away, but assumed I&#8217;d never need it. Fifteen years have since passed and while the advice I received would not qualify as highly romantic, it was the most helpful.</p>
<p>In our society, many relationships end because couples &#8220;fall out of love&#8221; with one another. When the struggles that inevitably arise after two sinners become one, they often give up and walk away. Many in our culture base their expectation of marriage from romance comedies or novels. What these sources fail to reveal is that married life is not always bliss and happiness. The person we married always brings with them irritating habits, sins, and baggage that interferes with our perfect image of wedded life. We continually seek that emotional high that comes at the beginning of a relationship and never imagine it wearing off.</p>
<p>The truth is that real life in this fallen world means that there will be problems. We will say or do things that hurt each other. There will be financial stress, sickness, and losses. It&#8217;s important that we have the right expectations for marriage and a solid foundation. While we can&#8217;t expect marriage to be perfect and glorious all the time, we can expect for ups and downs and seasons of marriage. Knowing what to expect can help prepare us for eventual challenges. When tough times do come, we can remember our commitment to our marriage and with God&#8217;s help, work through the problems. Rather than giving up and walking away, we stay and fight.</p>
<p>With God as a solid foundation for marriage, we can weather any storm. The promise of love we made before God is a commitment through the good times and bad. We can trust Him to provide healing and to give us the strength to endure difficult seasons. Even when the winter seems longest, we can trust and believe that spring is coming.</p>
<p>My own marriage has had its good times and bad times. The advice I was given as a young college student helped me when I reached times in my marriage where I thought &#8220;this isn&#8217;t what I though this would be&#8221; or &#8220;this isn&#8217;t how I wanted my life to turn out.&#8221; I knew those times would come and go and that God was the anchor that would keep our marriage grounded.</p>
<p>While marriage is a beautiful and romantic gift from God, it is not without its troubles. Sin has damaged God&#8217;s original design. The best advice I ever received helped me have realistic expectations for my marriage. I found that I needed the advice and put it to good use over the years. While my marriage is not always like the romantic comedies I enjoy watching, it is strong and secure. Built on the foundation of God and the covenant we made, it has weathered many storms. While the storms will continue to come and go, God will ensure that we stand firm.</p>
<p>And how about you? What&#8217;s the best marriage advice you ever received?</p>
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		<title>Marriage In First Place</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/marriage-in-first-place/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/marriage-in-first-place/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:05:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[date night]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=5881</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When my oldest was about eight weeks old, a friend suggested my husband and I go out on a date and offered to babysit. I hadn&#8217;t left my son with anyone before so I was hesitant. What if he cried the whole time? What if he wouldn&#8217;t take a bottle? What if&#8230;? Both our friend [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://csahm.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/christianmarriage.jpg" alt="" title="christianmarriage" width="171" height="114" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-5913" /></p>
<p>When my oldest was about eight weeks old, a friend suggested my husband and I go out on a date and offered to babysit. I hadn&#8217;t left my son with anyone before so I was hesitant. What if he cried the whole time? What if he wouldn&#8217;t take a bottle? What if&#8230;? Both our friend and my husband encouraged me that it would be a good thing for us to go out and so we did.</p>
<p>Ever since then, we&#8217;ve had a regular date night. At times, it&#8217;s been once a month and other times once a week. It&#8217;s a priority we&#8217;ve stuck with these past seven years.</p>
<p>Committing to a regular date with your spouse is essential for not only a healthy marriage but also a healthy family. After Christ, your marriage is a solid foundation for your family. Children learn from an early age whether marriage is important or not. When they witness their parent&#8217;s commitment to their marriage, it gives them confidence in the strength of their family. It gives them a model for their future marriage. And it demonstrates a unity that is important for a healthy family.</p>
<p>Additionally, having regular dates with your spouse ensures that you maintain your relationship. One day, your children we leave the nest and it will be just the two of you. By committing to spend time with one another, you will build a friendship that will outlast the season of raising children.</p>
<p>For those who have family nearby, it may be easy to find a babysitter willing to watch your children regularly. We do not have family nearby. We prayed for a long time and finally God brought people into our lives through our church whom we trusted to watch our children. Family, close friends, church members, and teenagers in your neighborhood are all good options for finding a regular babysitter. Still can&#8217;t find one? Perhaps there is another couple you know who also need a sitter. You can take turns watching each others children. Searching for a sitter is worth the effort because your marriage is worth it.</p>
<h3>Ideas for dates:</h3>
<p>*Offer to participate with your spouse in their favorite hobby (perhaps fishing, hunting, golfing, etc). Believe me, it will mean a lot to them&#8211;once they pull their chin up from off the floor!</p>
<p>*Pack a picnic for a favorite park, hiking spot or the beach</p>
<p>*Try a new restaurant, maybe even a new type of food</p>
<p>*Explore bookstores, antique shops, flea markets, or farmer&#8217;s markets together</p>
<p>*Attend a cultural event: concert, musical, show or play</p>
<p>*Take a class together to learn a new skill (cooking class, surfing lessons, etc.)</p>
<p><strong>Here&#8217;s a challenge:</strong> plan a special surprise date for your spouse in the near future. Leave a comment to let the rest of us know what fun idea you came up with and how surprised your spouse was. I could use some new ideas myself!</p>
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		<title>Communication in Marriage</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/communication-in-marriage/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/communication-in-marriage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Sep 2011 21:09:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=5828</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Sometimes choosing not to respond is an act of grace. I had confronted him with an issue and he barely responded. I had thrown the accusing statement at him without any warning, tears streaming&#8211;the built up volcano&#8217;s lava of frustration and pain pouring forth. Giving me time to calm down, he returns later and with [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Sometimes choosing not to respond is an act of grace.</p>
<p>I had confronted him with an issue and he barely responded. I had thrown the accusing statement at him without any warning, tears streaming&#8211;the built up volcano&#8217;s lava of frustration and pain pouring forth. Giving me time to calm down, he returns later and with arms around me, he says, &#8220;I agree.&#8221; No excuses. No pointing a finger back at me.</p>
<p>There may be times when the best response isn&#8217;t one at all. A step of grace in the dance of marriage that only the humble dare to try.</p>
<p>Sometimes there are pains that can&#8217;t be held back. Sometimes there are issues that need to be discussed. Sometimes a problem has to be resolved. How does a marriage keep it&#8217;s balance in the face of conflict?</p>
<p>I have a couple of &#8220;communication mats&#8221; from a marriage counseling course I took years ago. The &#8220;mats&#8221; are literally &#8220;mats&#8221; that a couple stands on to learn the dance of communication. The husband stands on one mat and the wife on the other, facing each other, as though waiting for the musical cue to begin. The mats are carefully coreographed, showing exactly the steps each person takes as they communicate. It is during a marriage counseling session where the dance is taught and practiced.</p>
<p>For communication is often what makes or breaks a marriage. To dance as one even while facing challenges and conflicts is a reflection of grace. Always giving grace to the other dance partner, knowing that you too often trip and forget the dance moves yourself.</p>
<p>Yet there are many who never learned the steps to this divinely ordained movement of two souls. For those who desire to learn the steps of grace&#8211;the dance of communication:</p>
<p>(There is much written on communication and this isn&#8217;t the place for great detail but below are a few important steps to remember)</p>
<blockquote><p><strong>1. Each person takes a turn speaking.</strong> If need be, use an object that the person whose turn it is to speak holds while they are talking. When their turn is up, they give it to the other person to hold while speaking. This means that the listener does not interrupt, even if the other person is saying something that the listener believes to be wrong.</p>
<p><strong>2. The job of the listener is to do just that&#8211;listen.</strong> That means they are not thinking the entire time about what they want to say in return. Rather, they are paying close attention to what the other person is saying so that they can effectively understand. They maintain eye contact. They also need use body language that shows listening, i.e. arms are not crossed. When the speaker has finished speaking, the listener responds by saying, &#8220;Let&#8217;s see if I understood you correctly. You said&#8230;&#8221; And then the listener summarizes what they understood the speaker to have said, in their own words. Then it is the listeners turn to speak their concerns.</p>
<p><strong>3. The speaker avoids certain phrases that will always make the listener defensive.</strong> Such phrases include, &#8220;You always&#8221; &#8220;You never&#8221; &#8220;You made me&#8221; are a few. The speaker must own their own thoughts and feelings. Key phrases to use are &#8220;I feel ______ .&#8221; &#8220;When you said/did ______ I thought/felt __________.&#8221; &#8220;I think the reason I feel/think this way is ____________.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>Sometimes it feels strange to speak this way, especially when intense feelings are involved. But when both spouses feel heard, the dance becomes less rigid and more fluid. The more you practice, the more beautiful it becomes. Because to enter the dance is an act of grace, a humbling of the heart and a gift to the one you love.</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.&#8221; <strong>James 1:19</strong></p></blockquote>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.&#8221; <strong>Proverbs 11:2</strong></p></blockquote>
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		<title>On Marriage and the Future Wedding Feast</title>
		<link>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/on-marriage-and-the-future-wedding-feast/</link>
		<comments>http://csahm.com/christian-marriage/on-marriage-and-the-future-wedding-feast/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 06 Sep 2011 12:11:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>toshowthemjesus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Christian Marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://csahm.com/?p=5724</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[She was just a shy, young college girl trying to find her way in life.  Far from home, she hoped the demons of her past had not followed her.  Broken and unsure of herself, she was slowly learning and trying to heal. He came seemingly out of nowhere; unexpected.  He knew she was the one, [...]<p><center><a href="http://www.parsimoniousswank.blogspot.com"><img src="http://csahm.com/images/parsimoniousswank125x125.jpg"></a>

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			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>She was just a shy, young college girl trying to find her way in life.  Far from home, she hoped the demons of her past had not followed her.  Broken and unsure of herself, she was slowly learning and trying to heal.</p>
<p>He came seemingly out of nowhere; unexpected.  He knew she was the one, might he be the one too? Like the way the Savior woos and calls his bride to him, he pursued her. He was always patient, waiting, accepting of her doubt and disbelief.  As our Lord loves us unconditionally, he accepted her as she was&#8211;scars, doubts, fears and all.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s been almost fifteen years now, since that bond called marriage began.  The road has often been rough and at times it seemed as though the bond would break.  Isn&#8217;t it only the grace of God that makes and keeps marriages?</p>
<p>This year we celebrate our fifteenth wedding anniversary.  I marvel at the way He draws opposites together, weaving two lives as one, and keeps it all from unraveling.  To honor this gift of marriage, we&#8217;ve been given a trip to Paris this October.</p>
<p>My husband and I have spent months planning where we will go, what we will see, and what we will eat.  I&#8217;ve even done a bit of shopping.  I&#8217;ve searched for dressy clothes for nice restaurants, a scarf or two (I hear all Parisian women wear scarves) and a rain coat.  The instructions for the babysitter are long enough to warrant a book binding.  This planning is reminiscent of the planning we did as young college students, when we planned our wedding and with uncertainty stepped into a new life together.</p>
<p>It seems like so much thought and planning just for a trip, but isn&#8217;t marriage important enough to warrant such a celebration? Marriage is certainly important to God.  He declared in Genesis that man should not be alone and created Eve to be Adam&#8217;s helpmeet.  As I work on the details for this trip, I think about how marriage mirrors our relationship with Christ.  </p>
<p><strong>Ephesians 5: 31-33 says,</strong>&#8220;For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.&#8221;</p>
<p>Marriage is used countless times as a symbol in scripture for our relationship with God.  He is described as our bridegroom and we are the bride.  His love is described as unending, despite our love affairs with the world.  Scripture promises a future celebration of our union with Christ, unlike any wedding feast we&#8217;ve ever seen.</p>
<p>I plug away at my to-do list, pausing in prayer for the endurance I need to complete the tasks at hand.  As I pray, I think about the preparations for eternity with our Bridegroom.  I&#8217;ve bought books and movies to teach us all about where we are going in Paris&#8211;how much have I read about and prepared for my ultimate destination?  I&#8217;ve purchased clothing to suit the weather and culture of Paris&#8211;how often do I remember the robes of righteousness made possible by Jesus Christ?  I think and plan about all the sights there is to see on our trip&#8211;how excited am I about the promise of beholding Jesus seated on the throne?</p>
<p><strong>There is a wedding celebration, a great feast being prepared even now for that Great Day.  How prepared are we?</strong></p>
<p>Jesus cautions us to be ready for His coming.  In Matthew 25, Jesus shares three parables which speak to our preparation for the Banquet.  In the parable of the ten virgins, he reminds us to be prepared, for we do not know the day or the hour of His return.  The other parables teach us about the Lord&#8217;s expectation that we use the gifts he has given for the building of the kingdom.  Upon His return, it is those who have invested those gifts that will be granted a seat at the table.  </p>
<p>The last parable tells us that it is those who help the poor, orphaned and imprisoned who will feast with Him on the day of His return.  Being ready for His return means that our hearts are continually turned toward heaven.  We <a href="http://desiresofmyheart.com/desires-of-my-heart-ebook/">desire</a> to be with Him more than anything we desire in this world.  Our love for Him is so strong, we seek to honor and obey Him.  With gratitude for His endless love, we desire to please the Bridegroom by loving and serving others.  We live out our lives eager for His return.</p>
<p>When I put all of my time and energy into concerns of this world and neglect focusing on the next, I am not living like a bride preparing for the bridegroom.  My focus and energy ought to be on preparing for the Banquet.  When the cares of this world take up the majority of my time, I need to step back and evaluate my heart.  I need to focus on His word, remembering His promise to return and the promise to bring me to the great Feast.  I need to remember that this home is a temporary one, requiring that I live more like a nomad rather than a permanent citizen.  When the cares of this world weigh me down, I need to focus on the joy that is to come.</p>
<p>The things in this world that I enjoy, even trips to Paris, need to point my heart to Him, not away from Him.  Every good thing we experience in this world is a reminder of the wonderful things we will enjoy in the world to come.  Marriage is one such reminder.  As I walk hand in hand with my husband along the River Seine, I will rejoice in the wonder of His hand at work in this world.  While enjoying the sights of the city, I will remember that the New City to come will far outshine anything I experience on this Earth.  As I feast on the culinary delights of a city famous for its food, I will ponder in my heart the glorious feast that awaits me when I go out to meet the Bridegroom on the day of His arrival.</p>
<p>Praising Him for His work in marriages!</p>
<p>And how about you?  Are you anxious for His return?</p>
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