Focus on Christian Marriage: Communication

Communication is the foundation of every good relationship, especially marriage. Too many times we are raised in homes where good communication skills just weren’t made available, due to the fact that parents just didn’t know how to communicate appropriately themselves.

I know for me personally communicating with my husband effectively has been a struggle. I have to make a commitment everyday to try and communicate appropriately with my husband.

Often good communication skills is a difficult skill to learn but all it takes is the commitment to making your marriage better by resolving conflict in a respectful way. How we communicate with our husbands is crucial. Our tone of voice and the words we say can really set the mood for how the conflict gets resolved.

Men often say that having a wife that respects them is one of the things they need in order to be the best husband they can be. If we address conflict in a negative way we will almost certainly end up disrespecting our husbands in the process.

Steps to Effective Communication:

Pray – Sometimes we just need to step back from the situation and ask God to lead us in how we should approach a certain situation that is bothering us.

Approach Respectfully – Even though you may be angry with your husband, still try and make an effort to approach your husband with love and respect. If you read 1 Cor. 13:4-7 we need to be patient with our husbands – patience and respect equals love.

Follow the steps to conflict resolution:

• Let each party express how they feel about the situation. My counselor even recommended using a timer for both individuals. Work to express your feelings without using “YOU” messages. For example instead of saying “I hate it when you treat me that way.” say “When you say this I feel this way.” Own your feelings.
• Next each person needs to express what they will do to help resolve the issue. This isn’t time to try and change the other person. One step towards progress is acceptable and both parties should strive to work towards keeping their promise on what they plan to do to help resolve the conflict.
• Come up with a plan of action. Think of actions, or words you can say to help fulfill your promise on what you are going to do to resolve the conflict. The resolution should be win – win for each person.

We can’t expect to go through our marriage without having to face conflict. God made us different, both with faults and strengths, however made to help each other grow spiritually. Learning effective communication skills will certainly help your marriage grow.

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Focus on Christian Marriage: Date Night

I look forward to date night every week. It is one of the highlights of my week. Date night is the perfect time to bond with your husband on an emotional level, and forget about your daily tasks and other responsibilities. It is about developing a deeper relationship with your husband.

It is important as a couple to intentionally make time for the two of you to have one on one time together as often as possible, but at least once per week.

Spending quality time together doesn’t have to cost a ton of money, nor does it have to be this big huge extravaganza. You can easily have a fun date night at home just spending time together. My husband and I have been known to have a fun time just sitting on the couch doing a crossword puzzle together.

The key is to spend time together without any distractions or other responsibilities, so I do recommend sending the kids to grandmas house for the night, or schedule a time during the week to have a date night at home once the kids are in bed. Find things you love to do together like going to the movies or out to dinner. Make every attempt to not let obstacles stand in your way. The night should be about the two of you and nothing else.

Date Night Ideas:

• Go to the movies.
• Join Netflix and have movie night at home.
• Go out to dinner.
• Order take out and have dinner at home.
• Go to the electronics store and play video games.
• Take a stroll downtown.
• Have a picnic.
• Laser tag, play pool, bowling, arcade.
• Browse around the local furniture store.
• Visit model homes.
• Do a crossword puzzle together.
• Drive around town talking about what’s on your mind.
• Play board games.
• Paint the house.

I know what it’s like to be a busy family, but I also know that is no excuse for not putting time, energy, and effort into your marriage. Date night may seem like a luxury, but I feel it is the key to a happy and fulfilled marriage.

How can we expect to feel connected to someone we never spend time with – or don’t even know?

I would like to encourage everyone reading this to start scheduling date night at home once a week, and schedule a date night out once a month. I’m sure that once you start making date night a necessary part of your marriage you will eventually make spending quality time with your husband a regular part of your daily routine.

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